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a how to book on swinging
 

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Together Sex
by Ed and Dana Allen
Paperback, 198pp. ISBN: 0-394-40947-7, Momentpoint Media

As much as we like Terry Gould's The Lifestyle, it is not a "how to" book. This one is. The original edition was written back in 1976, and we read it a few years ago and liked it. This adds 25 years of additional experience in swinging, and is an excellent book for those new to the Lifestyle or who are seriously considering getting involved. It is also a must have for those considering hosting their own parties.

We really like their chapter titled "Trouble in the Playground". It explores the tremendous negative press swinging has received, and the vast amount of mythology and misinformation provided by the press and so-called sex experts. 
Swinging is such a wonderful experience, but it is first and foremost an experience. Without experiencing it, you just won't really "get it". It is easy for writers to fall back on their cultural conditioning that says that sex is bad, but somewhat tolerable only for monogamous married couples. Unfortuntaly, this has resulted in much of the information published on swinging being inaccurate and negative, a problem Terry Gould points out in his book as well.

The next couple of chapters deal with meeting people, how to properly respond to and write personal ads, and the pitfalls you may encounter in new encounters. Good, practical advice that will save you from making beginner's mistakes and help you avoid some of the situations that swingers sometimes refer to as "war stories" (more because they recount frightening experiences than actual battle).

You'll learn the basics of how to properly behave and succeed in a swinging environment. You learn how to deal with unwanted attention and how to say no, how to approach people, STD issues, and other important issues of proper party etiquette. They also deal with isues of perfomance anxiety for both men and women, and how to properly respond if your partner is having difficulties in this area. I love what they write about the rules that couples usually make with each other, and how those rules can also be used as weapons and cause problems if not dealt with fairly. Important stuff to know, and a common pitfall for new couples.

Their section on Personal Matters deals with something often not mentioned in swinging- the importance of beauty. It is often said that swinging is open to all and that personal appearance does not matter nearly as much as personality. This is true to a point, but it is important to maximize what you have. You may not be a classic beauty, but you can dress well, have impeccable grooming, and exercise, which will give you more endurance as well as enhance your appearance. The advice they offer is thoughtful, practical, and realistic, a tone set throughout the book.

Much of the  focus of the book is on sex parties. Of all of the swinging experiences we have had, private parties are to us the most fun by a large margin. We enjoy conventions, and party houses, and the dances, but our bread and butter swinging experience is the private party. 

One of the things the book does better than any other book we've seen is provide information on how to host a sex party. We learned from a very experienced couple who threw terrific parties, but even then there was a long learning curve with throwing our own. The advice in this book is extremely practical, and will help you to throw really great parties. There is a suprising amount  to know in order to throw a good sex party, and Ed and Dana walk you through the details and will save you a lot of potential grief. 

This book is filled with lots of practical advice based on years of real experience. It is intelligent, entertaining, well-written, humorous, and very honest. If you want to know more about swinging, or if you think you might ever want to throw a party of your own, it is a great investment. You might also want to check out Ed and Dana's online site The Swinging Life, for more information.

-JB

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